Do your remember the sticks and stones saying from School? It’s actually a load of garbage. The wounds from words last far longer than physical wounds and may never heal. Harsh and consistent words are at the root of a lot of people’s limiting beliefs. Words and the way you say them can have a profound impact on your leadership effectiveness.
In a high-performing tech company, Mark was known for his brilliant ideas and ability to drive results. However, his team dreaded meetings. Why? Mark’s feedback, though often accurate, was delivered in a tone that belittled and demoralised his team members.
During one meeting, Mark criticised Sarah, a talented developer, in front of her peers: “This is sloppy work. You should know better.” While Mark’s intent was to push for better quality, his words crushed Sarah’s confidence. Over time, the team grew more silent in meetings, unwilling to share ideas for fear of public criticism. Productivity declined, turnover increased, and Mark’s brilliant leadership skills were overshadowed by the toxic environment he unwittingly created with his words.
This scenario illustrates a harsh truth: it’s not just what you say that matters, but how you say it. The wrong words—or the right words delivered the wrong way (tone was wrong) —can damage trust, morale, and contribution. As leaders, you more than anyone, must wield your words with care.
Ancient Wisdom on the Power of Words
In the Bible the book of Proverbs offers profound insights into the power of the tongue. Written thousands of years ago, this wisdom is strikingly relevant for leaders today. Proverbs teaches that words have the power to build up or tear down, to bring life or cause destruction. Here are five lessons you can take from Proverbs to become more intentional and effective in your communication.
1. Speak Thoughtfully
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” (Proverbs 10:19)
As a leader you can often feel pressure to respond immediately, but Proverbs teaches the value of restraint. Thoughtless words can lead to misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Pause before speaking. Consider:
– Is what I’m about to say necessary?
– Is it helpful?
– Does it align with my values?
Leadership Tip: Create a culture of intentionality by modelling thoughtful communication. Encourage your team to take time to think before responding, especially during challenging discussions.
2. Use Words to Build People Up
“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” (Proverbs 16:24)
Words have the power to lift up and inspire. Focus on building your team’s confidence and morale through encouragement and affirmation. Criticism, when necessary, should be constructive and delivered with grace.
Leadership Tip: Get to know the voices in your team. Different people receive critique in different ways. To be effective know each person’s leadership voice. This method ensures each team member feels supported, even when being corrected.
3. Choose the Right Timing
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11)
Even the right words can have an adverse impact if delivered at the wrong time. Timing matters in leadership communication. Address sensitive issues privately and in a setting where both parties can engage openly.
Leadership Tip: Before giving feedback, ask yourself:
– Is this the right moment?
– Am I in the right frame of mind to deliver it effectively?
4. Right Tone
“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4)
You can underestimate the damage caused by a harsh tone. A gentle approach fosters trust and openness, while harsh words can lead to defensiveness or withdrawal.
Leadership Tip: Practice empathetic listening before responding. Mirror the emotions of your team members to show understanding and deliver your message with compassion and calmness.
5. Emphasise Truth and Integrity
“Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.” (Proverbs 12:19)
You must be honest and transparent. However, truth must always be paired with tact. Being truthful doesn’t mean being brutal; it means communicating with integrity and respect.
Leadership Tip: Foster a culture of honesty by being transparent in your own communication. When sharing difficult truths, focus on how are we going to solve this, rather than problems.
Bringing It All Together
Mark’s story is a cautionary tale, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the story. By applying the wisdom of Proverbs, Mark could transform his leadership style, turning his words from weapons into tools for building trust, collaboration, and innovation.
To recap, here’s how leaders can use the power of words wisely:
- Speak thoughtfully: Pause and think before you speak.
- Use words to build up: Offer encouragement and constructive feedback.
- Choose the right timing: Deliver messages when they will have the most positive impact.
- Right Tone: Speak with empathy and gentleness.
- Emphasise truth and integrity: Be honest, but pair truth with tact.
Final Thought: Leadership isn’t just about making decisions or setting strategy—it’s about influence. And your words, as well as your actions, shape the influence you have. So, the next time you speak, remember this ancient wisdom: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). Choose life-giving words and watch your team—and your leadership thrive.
Photo by Emile Perron on Unsplash
